” If you don’t want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. “
” I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries.’ The girl at the counter said, ‘Would you like some fries with that? “
” Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they’re getting back together. You know what that means? There’s still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. “
” For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza! “
” Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night’s Democratic debate. “
” Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. “
” You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you. “
” You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. “
” Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? “
All 9 Jay Leno Quotes about You in picture
Topics: You quotes