” If you don’t want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. “


” I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries.’ The girl at the counter said, ‘Would you like some fries with that? “


” Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they’re getting back together. You know what that means? There’s still hope for Ike and Tina Turner. “


” For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza! “


” Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night’s Democratic debate. “


” Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. “


” You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you. “


” You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. “


” Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? “



All 9 Jay Leno Quotes about You in picture


If you don
I went into a McDonald


Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn
Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
You
You can
Here
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