” A woman tells her doctor, ‘I’ve got a bad back.’ The doctor says, ‘It’s old age.’ The woman says, ‘I want a second opinion.’ The doctor says: ‘Okay – you’re ugly as well. “


” I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, ‘Have you got frog’s legs?’ He said, ‘Yes,’ so I said, ‘Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich. “


” So he said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.’ I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books. “


” So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it. “


” You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ “


” So I rang up a local building firm, I said ‘I want a skip outside my house.’ He said ‘I’m not stopping you. “


” They always say start at the bottom if you want to learn something. But suppose you want to learn to swim? “


” Electricity is a wonderful thing. Do you realise that if we didn’t have electricity, we’d be watching television by candle light? “


” I always sit in the back of a plane. It’s much safer. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain! “



All 9 Tommy Cooper Quotes about You in picture


A woman tells her doctor,
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter,


So he said
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said
So I rang up a local building firm, I said
They always say start at the bottom if you want to learn something. But suppose you want to learn to swim?
Electricity is a wonderful thing. Do you realise that if we didn
I always sit in the back of a plane. It
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